Thursday, March 29, 2007

Catching up a little more

Thursday Thirteen, oh yeahhhh. During my 3 months away from my blog I almost forgot about the chaos of Thursday Thirteen. I didn't do one. Sorry. Maybe next week. Or maybe not. LOL I do so love Thursday Thirteen- I do. It's just, well, time consuming. And I don't know if I even remember how to do all the banner loading and linkies and such. Oh my, it's been awhile. I'll attempt to get back in the FULL swing of things soon. But not today. So, no 13 for me.

But I will do a little more catch-up on some things that have happened recently. Did I mention that Joe sliced his finger at work and had 7 stitches? Did I mention that he also had a pain that required an ultrasound because they thought he might have a gall stone or liver disease? Did I mention that after those two things, he then fell off the roof of our garage? Yeah, he's had his 3 bad things. He should be done for awhile. lol Oh, and I guess I shouldn't leave you hanging- he's fine. Stitches came out last weekend. Ultrasound results came back Monday and he is fine, just has thick liver bile...whatever that means. And the fall from the garage just left him with a sore butt cheek for a few days. No biggie.

Let's see...we also had a VERY SCARY sledding incident with Adam (age 2) that I will write about later. And we recently went on a little trip to Branson. Will have all sorts of fun pix from that up soon. More to come...stay tuned!

Monday, March 26, 2007

I'm on a Mission

You know what? I've been doing some thinking. A lot of thinking, actually. And I've decided that I'm sooooo tired of being upset, overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, and sad almost every day lately. So I'm gonna stop. What a concept, just stop. I've let myself become so saturated with negativity over the last few years, being overwhelmed with all of my mommy duties, and feeling sorry for myself that I have to constantly clean up after hubby, the kids, etc in addition to working full time and so forth. I'm tired of being sad and mad that I'm not like I used to be...with a positive outlook, a skinnier body, and everything going my way in life. It's a vicious cycle really, being sad/mad that I'm not just makes me more sad/mad. And really, in the large scheme of things, does it really matter if hubby left his cereal bowl on the table, or if the boys left toys on the living room floor again? Is it really worth my effort and added stress to get upset about it? I'm letting go. I don't want to look back on my life and see wasted YEARS spent being upset, stressed and angry. I don't want my kids to remember a mommy that was always frustrated and ready to yell at any given moment. I don't want my husband to remember his wife as an unhappy woman who could only see the things he didn't do just right. It stops right now. Mostly I'm doing it for my own sanity. I need to feel happy. I need to feel peace. I need to get on the path to reclaiming myself and my happy life instead of sitting there pissed off while my happy life goes down the drain. Because this is not out of my control. I can do something about most of these things. No, I can't make hubby do the things I think he should. No, I can't keep the boys from making huge messes where it's just been cleaned. No, I can't just snap my fingers and make everything better. But what I *can* do is change my attitude, accept that things are never gonna be exactly as I think they should, give hubby some slack, give the boys some slack, and give myself some slack. I've become so wrapped up in how things aren't fair, and how my happiness is suffering because of everyone else. But I can choose to be happy anyway. I can do things to make others happy. I don't have to make everyone else miserable just because I feel miserable. And maybe if I do all I can to make others happy, they will feel happier too. And I am definitely a pleaser, so if others are happy with me, I will be happier. I know that.

So, I'm on a mission. I'm going back and taking the other path. I took a wrong turn somewhere and I'm making it right. I'm going to play with my kids instead of wishing they'd go find something to do. I'm going to be a loving wife and not focus on hubby's short-comings (and I certainly have many of my own as well!). I'm going to do things just because they make someone happy. I'm going to focus on what I can do to make hubby happy, instead of getting upset when he makes me sad. I'm going to do things that make me happy, even if it's not exactly what others think I should do. I'm going to do dishes, laundry, and clean the house as best I can with the time I have and not worry if it doesn't get done right away due to things not going right, and try not to even think about why I'm the only one doing it. I'm going to smile more and stress less. I'm going to look for ways for our family to do more things together. I'm going to make sure the special people in my life know I think they're special. I'm going to try to live the life I want to live. I used to live that kind of life, so I know it is possible. So I'm on a journey.

This weekend was so nice. Why? Because I have already started that journey and it feels soooo good. We walked in our woods down to our creek 3 times this weekend, just because we wanted to. All of us- Joe, me, and the boys. We skipped rocks in the creek and laughed when we messed up. When Brendan asked to go back outside right as it was getting dark, I said "sure" instead of no. When he asked Daddy to play tag with him and Joe said "not now" I jumped in and said "I'll play tag with you" and you should have seen that little boy's face light up with joy and the shocked look on Joe's face too! As I headed out the door with Brendan as the sun was going down I turned real quick, tagged him, said "you're it!" and ran off around the porch. We played for awhile and we inspired Joe to come out and play too. So we had a family game of tag- even Adam (age 2) played, running around laughing mostly. You know what? It was fun. The next day we played frisbee and I pushed the boys on the swingset. I made a point all weekend to hug and kiss Joe more often. I acted like someone in love should. I smiled at him for no reason. I tried to make him feel like I loved and appreciated him- just because. And acting happier, made me feel happier.

Joe and I watched a movie together after the boys went to bed. The Notebook. Wow, talk about good timing for watching that movie. It kinda validated that what I'm trying to do is worth it. Joe and I are the couple that our friends see as the strongest couple. I'm sure they expect us to be like that couple in The Notebook when we're old. (only hopefully minus the dementia!). But seriously, we have a love that is strong and we are in it for the long haul. Our friends that have known us from the beginning have frequently showed signs of jealousy of our relationship and wished theirs was as good. We are the couple that everyone in our circle of friends assumes will last. People who have known me for just the last few years don't know that side of us as well, but our long-term friends do. And when I stopped complaining long enough to remember that, well, it just seems silly the things I've let bother me over recent years.

So, I'm starting the journey back to my happy life. I'm on a mission to live by one of my favorite sayings: Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

On birthdays and men

Well, hmmm, it's hard getting back into the swing of things. I can't even remember what all has happened in the time I've been "gone". Guess I'll just start with recent stuff rather than trying to recall everything from the last 3 months! lol

I'm another year older, not sure if that's a good thing or not. Last Wednesday was my birthday, I turned 31. To which Brendan said, "Wow Mommy, you're ooooolllldddddd!" lol but then I quickly reminded him that Daddy was even older ;) I don't feel old, and I certainly do not consider 31 old, so I just laughed! So, yes, another birthday gone. It started out as a good day, I was off work, had the house to myself for a few hours, got some scrapbooking done, did some cleaning, etc. That evening was not fun though...

When Joe got home he did make me mashed potatoes like I had asked him to, but had no plan of what else to make. He said he couldn't think of what else to make and asked me to come up with something. I'm like, uh no! Coming up with what to make is the part I dislike the most! We didn't have the groceries for anything I wanted, I thought he was handling that. So, we really did just have mashed potatoes for dinner, whichI *did* say was fine, so I guess it's no biggie. Meanwhile, Brendan was wanting to make me a cake (sweet!), but Joe was saying I'm sorry I forgot to do anything about a cake. I told him I had already bought the cake mix and frosting. But he still didn't make it. So *I* made my own birthday cake with the help of Brendan and Adam. And after dinner, after we got the kids to bed, I noticed the kitchen still needed to be cleaned up from dinner and the cupcakes were still out, etc. I said, "oh shoot, all this stuff is still out". Joe mumbled something and kept playing his computer game. So, I thought he wasn't going to do anything about it. So, I started washing dishes and putting things away, etc. About the time I got done he finally came down and I said "Do you see anything wrong with this picture? I'm down here cleaning up on my birthday while you're sitting on your butt playing on the computer. Seems a little backwards." He flew off the handle and immediately got defensive, started saying how I'm such a martyr and that I cleaned up just so I could say that, blah, blah, blah. Hello? It's my BIRTHDAY. It seems like common courtesy would tell anyone that I shouldn't have to do all that, it's not just me being a martyr. My feelings were hurt, that's all. One day out of the freakin' year, just one day as MY special day, is that too much to ask?! Anyway, my birthday ended with him mad at ME and me crying. Fun birthday, huh? lol

I don't ask much, I'm about as low maintenance as wives come, but he KNOWS that my birthday is something I look forward to and get excited about and I want just for ONE day to feel special and to not come last on the list. He KNOWS this, we've been married for almost 10 years, and we've been together for 15 years, and it still hasn't sunk in. I'm not asking for expensive things or royal princess treatment, but it would just be nice to not have to make dinner, my own cake, and clean up afterwards, ya know?

I used to get excited about lots of things in life, I had the best positive outlook and was very laid back. Over the years I've just lost my excitement for things (or had it taken away) and my birthday is one of the few things I still get excited about anymore. (That and planning trips- another thing that causes arguments and he totally doesn't get). But I really shouldn't let myself continue to get excited about these things, because I set myself up for disappointment. No, it wasn't a big deal, and yes he did make mashed potatoes and give me a new chain for a necklace that broke, so I should be looking at the good things, but damn, I just want to feel special once in a while, and would it kill him to play along and let me get excited about things sometimes?


My friend Diana who shares in my woes had this to say, and she is so right. (So if any men are reading this, pay attention, because what she says should be heard by every man that cares about his lady):

She wrote: "I understand that boys don't think birthdays are really that special. I GET IT. But you know what, TOUGH. We girls, think it is special. We are willing to spend 90% of our life/love/time/energy/etc. on our husbands and our children and for the most part (teehee) we can do it without bitching or anything... but there are a few days a year where we want to be treated RIGHT. Birthday, Valentine's, Anniversary, Mother's Day. Really... 4 @#$)%&#$&*@%@% days a year. Is that so much to ask? No housework, no dirty diapers, no dishes, no cooking. Take care of me and treat me lovely just a little bit. It gives me the energy and will and floaty feeling to just GO ON until the next little holiday!!!!"


Monday, March 19, 2007

Miss Me? I'm Still Alive!

Hello!!!!! Don't know if anyone noticed I've been gone, or if anyone will notice that I'm back, but here I am :) Sorry I haven't been around blog-land for awhile! I'm sure I have missed SO much in so many of your lives, and I'm sorry. I just got busy and then out of the routine of checking blogs or updating mine. I'll try to get back in the swing of things and hopefully catch up with several of you pretty soon. I really missed you all!