Wednesday, March 21, 2007

On birthdays and men

Well, hmmm, it's hard getting back into the swing of things. I can't even remember what all has happened in the time I've been "gone". Guess I'll just start with recent stuff rather than trying to recall everything from the last 3 months! lol

I'm another year older, not sure if that's a good thing or not. Last Wednesday was my birthday, I turned 31. To which Brendan said, "Wow Mommy, you're ooooolllldddddd!" lol but then I quickly reminded him that Daddy was even older ;) I don't feel old, and I certainly do not consider 31 old, so I just laughed! So, yes, another birthday gone. It started out as a good day, I was off work, had the house to myself for a few hours, got some scrapbooking done, did some cleaning, etc. That evening was not fun though...

When Joe got home he did make me mashed potatoes like I had asked him to, but had no plan of what else to make. He said he couldn't think of what else to make and asked me to come up with something. I'm like, uh no! Coming up with what to make is the part I dislike the most! We didn't have the groceries for anything I wanted, I thought he was handling that. So, we really did just have mashed potatoes for dinner, whichI *did* say was fine, so I guess it's no biggie. Meanwhile, Brendan was wanting to make me a cake (sweet!), but Joe was saying I'm sorry I forgot to do anything about a cake. I told him I had already bought the cake mix and frosting. But he still didn't make it. So *I* made my own birthday cake with the help of Brendan and Adam. And after dinner, after we got the kids to bed, I noticed the kitchen still needed to be cleaned up from dinner and the cupcakes were still out, etc. I said, "oh shoot, all this stuff is still out". Joe mumbled something and kept playing his computer game. So, I thought he wasn't going to do anything about it. So, I started washing dishes and putting things away, etc. About the time I got done he finally came down and I said "Do you see anything wrong with this picture? I'm down here cleaning up on my birthday while you're sitting on your butt playing on the computer. Seems a little backwards." He flew off the handle and immediately got defensive, started saying how I'm such a martyr and that I cleaned up just so I could say that, blah, blah, blah. Hello? It's my BIRTHDAY. It seems like common courtesy would tell anyone that I shouldn't have to do all that, it's not just me being a martyr. My feelings were hurt, that's all. One day out of the freakin' year, just one day as MY special day, is that too much to ask?! Anyway, my birthday ended with him mad at ME and me crying. Fun birthday, huh? lol

I don't ask much, I'm about as low maintenance as wives come, but he KNOWS that my birthday is something I look forward to and get excited about and I want just for ONE day to feel special and to not come last on the list. He KNOWS this, we've been married for almost 10 years, and we've been together for 15 years, and it still hasn't sunk in. I'm not asking for expensive things or royal princess treatment, but it would just be nice to not have to make dinner, my own cake, and clean up afterwards, ya know?

I used to get excited about lots of things in life, I had the best positive outlook and was very laid back. Over the years I've just lost my excitement for things (or had it taken away) and my birthday is one of the few things I still get excited about anymore. (That and planning trips- another thing that causes arguments and he totally doesn't get). But I really shouldn't let myself continue to get excited about these things, because I set myself up for disappointment. No, it wasn't a big deal, and yes he did make mashed potatoes and give me a new chain for a necklace that broke, so I should be looking at the good things, but damn, I just want to feel special once in a while, and would it kill him to play along and let me get excited about things sometimes?

*sigh*

My friend Diana who shares in my woes had this to say, and she is so right. (So if any men are reading this, pay attention, because what she says should be heard by every man that cares about his lady):

She wrote: "I understand that boys don't think birthdays are really that special. I GET IT. But you know what, TOUGH. We girls, think it is special. We are willing to spend 90% of our life/love/time/energy/etc. on our husbands and our children and for the most part (teehee) we can do it without bitching or anything... but there are a few days a year where we want to be treated RIGHT. Birthday, Valentine's, Anniversary, Mother's Day. Really... 4 @#$)%&#$&*@%@% days a year. Is that so much to ask? No housework, no dirty diapers, no dishes, no cooking. Take care of me and treat me lovely just a little bit. It gives me the energy and will and floaty feeling to just GO ON until the next little holiday!!!!"

Amen.

4 comments:

Uisce said...

well happy birthday!! my wife's birthday was in January and you know what she wanted? franks and beans. and brown bread. uggh. I offered to take her out somewhere but she never goes for that. franks and beans. I had to go to two grocery stores to find the brown bread without the raisins. I guess it *is* the thought that counts! :)

Katherine said...

I have to say, I would have both cried and been very upset as well. There would have been yelling and pouting. There would have been so much scene-making that I would be assured he would never again 'dis me in that way on a special occasion. So, if you need to revisit the issue with him, do it! You're worth it. Happy Birthday.

FrogLegs said...

I say have another "birthdya." Celebrate it again, all over.

To what Diana said- hip hooray! I'm not high maintence either, and like you I wonly want my Birthday to be special. I honestly could care less about V-day or mother's day (though, I want to just spend time solo with Nathan).

Our birthdays were about the same. He wrecked my car on mine.... maybe we should both recelebrate?

Carolyn F said...

Happy Birthday a little late!!! I'm so glad to see you posting again!!! Yep, men don't get it, and my last few birthdays have sucked as well. We need a girl's birthday weekend!!!