Dragging along

Weekends at home just emotionally drain me sometimes. My boys are not bad kids, they are good...they are just high maintenance. I feel like I never have time to get anything done. I can’t even think straight anymore about what I need to do, or want to do. I’m tired, and I’m cranky. Adam woke up around 2am Fri, Sat, & Sun mornings. We were already exhausted, and I felt physically ill as I got up with Adam. I’ve always been one to feel sick/nauseous if I don’t get enough sleep, ever since I was little. Adam was so tired by about 9:30am, but try as I might, I could not get him to fall asleep. Usually a bottle works like a charm, nope! His crib is in our room (because our house only has 2 bedrooms- ours & Brendan’s), which is a loft, so there’s no door to close or anything, which makes it hard. I tried rocking him, no. I tried another bottle, no. I tried holding him, no. I tried rubbing his back, no. I tried letting him stay up and play, no, too fussy & didn’t want to be put down...but didn’t want to be held either. Ugh!!! Finally, I just put him in his crib and let him cry. Not just cry...scream at the top of his lungs. Since Joe was gone hunting, and I had been up with the kids, I still had not had a shower yet. So, since the shower is right next to our room and I was close by, I took a shower while Adam screamed. I didn’t know what else to do, and thought maybe I’d feel at least a little better after a shower. Finally, he fell asleep.

All day both days of the weekend I spent chasing Adam and trying to meet Brendan’s needs too. Every time I open the refrigerator, Adam is right there trying to climb in. When I shut the door, he cries. Every time I open the dishwasher, here comes Adam, wanting to grab the racks and climb in. When I shut the door, he cries. Every time I open the pantry to get something or throw something away, there’s Adam trying to get in the pantry. When I shut the door, he cries. Then he’s opening all the cabinets, pulling out pots & pans. When I shut the doors, he cries. Then he’s climbing on top of his plastic box. Then he’s pulling out videos, and playing with the stereo/tv/vcr/dvd buttons. Then crash! He’s knocked the top part of the stereo system off and behind the stereo. Then he’s grabbing the cordless phone, chewing on the antenna and pushing buttons (my luck he’s going to dial 911 accidentally one of these times!). Then he’s crawling into the bathroom, wanting to play with the plunger (EWWWW). Take it away, and he cries. Close the door and he cries. I can’t wait any longer to pee, so I run upstairs to use the bathroom as quick as I can, come out, there’s Adam who had crawled all the way up the stairs after me! Yikes! Go downstairs in basement and dig out another baby gate. Put up gate at foot of stairs. Adam immediately gets to work trying to figure out how to climb it. Brendan starts pretending to be a Power Ranger, and keeps kicking the gate. Our house is just laid out really badly for little kids. It’s too open- he can freely go room to room because there aren’t enough walls and doors to close things off. Constantly all day, all weekend went on & on like this. And that’s just Adam...I haven’t even mentioned all the things Brendan wanted/needed taken care of at the same time. Including waking up Adam TWICE. So, when do I do laundry? When do I do dishes? When do I cook? When do I vacuum? When do I pick up papers and stuff that have accumulated? I have a hard time finding time to CLEAN, let alone any time for ME. Is it wrong that I look forward to the work week and dread the weekends?! I need a break. I need sleep. I can’t even think straight.

They say to take care of yourself first, because until you do you can’t take good care of anyone. I totally believe this, heck I’m living proof of it, as I’m just about useless to anyone else right now. But HOW do you take care of your own needs, and WHEN? Joe is tired and worn down too, so we’re not much help to each other either, and can’t easily give each other a break. How do you take time for yourself and meet your own needs without neglecting parental responsibilities? I’m so tired I can’t logically think this through to come up with a solution. I feel like my life is just rushing past and dragging me along behind it.