Monday, November 28, 2005

Feeling great!

Wow, I feel great! I don't know what happened exactly, but I have let go of a lot more of the stress, frustration, and martyrism that I've been carrying around with me the last several months (honestly, about a year!). I think I just decided I was tired of being stressed and annoyed, it's too much work. lol I've been doing better for a few weeks, but now I really feel like my soul is lighter or something! Joe and I even cuddled on our love seat recliners and watched a movie Sunday while Adam took his nap. It's been a loooong time since we did that. Usually if we watch a movie I'm folding laundry or something while we watch. It felt so nice just to lay there with his arms around me, not worrying about anything else. Which, for me is a big deal. I am not a huggy-kissy person (except for obvious times at night in bed). I also did not let any "lack of help" annoy me this weekend. I think the fact that Joe's brother was staying with us actually helped me adjust my attitude. I happily fixed simple meals for them, and cleaned up afterwards without even thinking twice. I did laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, took care of the boys, put up the outside Christmas decorations, and so on without feeling any resentment or annoyance. Go figure. I use to always "preach" the popular saying "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff" but I haven't been practicing that much lately. Why have I been lingering on things that just don't matter and making myself and everyone else miserable with my attitude? So what if he doesn't jump right in and help with everything? So what if I take care of 90% of Adam's needs? So what if the house is never perfectly clean and picked up? So what if we don't see exactly eye to eye on some issues? So what if the boys are a little loud and annoying sometimes? So what if I can't do all the things I'd like to? So what if I have to pick up after others? So what if I clean, do all the laundry, and bathe the kids while he relaxes in front of the tv? and so on and so forth. Do these things REALLY matter in the large scheme of things? Probably not! Are they worth being pissed off and moody all the time over? No! I've been making mountains out of mole-hills and I'm just plain tired of it...I'm annoying myself! lol That's not the type of person I am, and I don't like being that way. I'm ready to be happy and to stop resenting him for little things. I'm ready to go back to being a happy, pleasant person to be around. I'm ready to enjoy being a wife and mom again instead of being resentful for the things I no longer am. I'm ready to focus my attention on making life enjoyable again. And I feel great!

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